Lost My Shine
I’ve lost my shine; my sparkle. I am a teacher in December with students whom have various degrees of behavior, from extreme walk-around-the-room blurting anything they want behavior to sit-in-their-seat properly with a super silent hard-to-hear their voice demeanor.
I am tired. Bone-weary tired.
I do not know if I can make it to May with this level of exhaustion.
I know I am not the only one feeling this way. I have seen veteran teachers with rock-solid classroom management and teaching styles crumbling under the weight of the students this year. I follow many teacher blogs and sites on social media with teachers questioning their own rock-solid classroom management. The exhaustion seeps in through every pore of my body and doesn’t seem to leave as it just moves from one tight muscle to another. There never seems to be an end to the tiredness in sight.
The educational classroom craziness has become too much!
I am beginning to see the effects of technology on the students and cannot wait to read the studies that will come out about this technology and how it affects the children. Yes, there are positives to technology, but some negatives are beginning to come to light. I have noticed that my students cannot stay focused on reading for more than a few minutes. Their brains are moving at lightning speed and are all over the place. I notice, also, that many of my students go into a daydream state while in class, not because the lesson is not interesting, but because I think they are giving their brains a break from all stimuli. It’s too much for them to handle.
One other issue that I must always address is MANNERS. I am always redirecting, responding, guiding, teaching manners. Simple manners such as to sit down while eating your breakfast (we eat breakfast in the classroom), sit down while eating a snack, tissue are for boogers not fingers, not to eat what you pick from your nose, getting up to sharpen pencil or wander the room is rude while someone is teaching or talking. And, the list can go on and on.
I am concerned for many kids that I see while some parents back away from their own responsibilities as the schools are trying to pick up the slack. Is there so much trauma in the lives of these children that parenting becomes a secondary priority?
I spend more time on matters of manners and ways to be an appropriate citizen than teaching some days. The work load is over-taxing. The paper pile and requirements are overloading. My shoulders cannot take much more weight. I have stiffened my spine, but even that is beginning to bow under the weight.
The young educators are tired. They have lost their zest.
I see myself crumbling yet also see the younger, more enthusiastic teachers also crumbling. Their eyes that shined from excitement to foster learning in their own classrooms have gone desolate and shaded. There’s no spark; no joy in the teaching for the young, fresh from college educators. They are not hardened to the ways of the educational system and are quickly defeated in this environment.
At what point do I just say F..k it all and walk away from a career I used to love?
I hope my body’s health does not decide that for me. I wrote an article about 20 ways to relieve stress and anxiety. I do many of those tips on my list every day. But, the weight is almost too much. I’m a great teacher who loves her students and my students love me back. Consequently, that relationship will have to be severed for my own health and well-being if something systemic does not change in the education system.
I am at a loss for direction right now knowing I work with students who need more every day to be productive citizens, yet my ability to give unfettered is waning. I have lost my guidance to lead myself forward as the way is so littered with trauma among the youth and disarray within the educational system.
There’s a breakdown that is not being fixed right now. It’s time to make education of our students a priority through proper educational funding to relieve the classroom sizes so educators can foster relationships within their classrooms.
Note: This post has been updated two years later and the feelings have not changed. There’s a breakdown in the public educational system through lack of funding and it’s causing insurmountable chaos and dichotomy.
“The foundation of every state is the education of its youth.” ~Diogenes
Are you feeling like you’ve “lost your shine” a bit? Is something overwhelming you? Please feel free to comment below and let me know.